This week bubba helps J with a dating problem
Recently an old friend of mine got it touch with me after being in Australia for 10 years, she is now living not far from me in Chicago.
We had been friends for a long time but when she moved away we lost touch. She found me again on Facebook about a month ago, sent me a friend request and we started messaging. For the first time in our friendship we are both single at the moment. She told me that she has always found me attractive and would like to go on a date with me. Flattered, I agreed, and we set a date for next week.
As a woman approaching 51, I am aware of my looks and realise I don’t look anything like I did the last time we saw each other. What if she takes one look at me and thinks she’s made a big mistake.
As I think you can tell I suffer from low self-confidence and it’s getting me down. I’ve convinced myself I should cancel.
What should I do bubba?
Thank you for writing to me and the first thing I’m going to say that if you cancel this date you will have me to deal with! If you want to know what that’s like just ask my granddaughter, India.
So let’s start right there, no cancelling of any kind!
The next thing I have to say might come as a surprise to you, if you’re 10 years older than the last time you saw each other, then guess what? So is she! I bet she’s having the same nervous thoughts as you are! Do I look alright? What should I wear? Will she like me? All the things that go through your mind before a first date. I know it can be frightening but it can also be very exciting, it all depends on how you want to look at it. You have every right to feel flattered, this lovely lady has always thought very highly of you. You must be doing something right, she got it touch with you after all this time and asks you for a date. Mazel-Tov!
You don’t say how old she is but since you say that you’ve been friends a long time, I would imagine you around the same age. Let me tell you I wish I was 51 again, I’d put on my dancing shoes and be out every Saturday night instead of watching television. Yes 51 is not 31 but then it’s not 71 either. Remember the old saying “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”. Looking in the mirror can be our best friend or our worst enemy, sure when I look in the mirror, the reflection is not always what I want to see but I remind myself that knowledge, wisdom and true beauty comes with age and from within. Being able to listen, to understand and making someone feel special is more important than being able to stay out all night.
Low self confidence can stop us doing so many wonderful things because we look at things in a negative way, we think we don’t deserve something or that something won’t last. I believe we all deserve to feel special and as I said before, this lady wanted to reconnect with you, so your friendship has made a lasting impression. We just need to change the angle we see things. Instead of thinking of all the negative things, start thinking of all the positive ones; she comes back from Australia, she finds you on Facebook, gets in touch and when she finds out you’re single she asks you out on a date. This all sounds wonderful to me.
How’s this for an idea? Instead of thinking this as a date, why not think of it as two old friends catching up after a long time? Take the pressure off the dating side and see how things go. Tell her how you feel, be honest and see what happens. I am sure she will understand and after 10 years you have much to catch up on so you won’t be short on chat!
So, my advice, keep the date, relax and enjoy yourself, I’m a firm believer that things happen when the time is right and this wise old bubba thinks the time is right!
If you have a dilemma and would like bubba’s advice, you can email her at email@example.com, she can’t reply to you personally, in between her kalooki club and watching Masterchef, she doesn’t have much time but she promises she will post her reply on Jewish News and HotSaltBeef&Mustard (such lovely boys, as she says!).
Bubba believes ‘It doesn’t matter who you love, only that you choose to love’. We love bubba’s wisdom.